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Birth Control


Back in the olden days, the risk of getting pregnant meant people with vaginas (formerly, women) had to be very careful about who they had sex with. They couldn’t put out for just anybody. Plus, lots of people believed in God because they didn’t know about science. They didn’t even know that men can get pregnant too! And they thought sex was something serious and special that shouldn’t be engaged in lightly. Hilarious, right?! Luckily, science has taught us that we’re all just animals who should be having sex as early and often as we can get it—which is now possible because of birth control and abortion. 


What do the experts say about birth control?


All of the experts say that we should always use birth control. This is because birth control gives women (and men with vaginas) the freedom to have sex like men with penises (ie, the kind of men who don't get pregnant). This is what all women want—to have sex like men. Plus, it’s WAY better for the men with penises. They no longer have to commit to someone with a vagina to get that person with a vagina to have sex. Now persons with a vagina must have sex before a man will commit (not that they should even care about that). Thanks to birth control and abortion, marriage and commitment are no longer necessary, and men with penises no longer need feel guilty about getting a girl with a vagina pregnant and moving on—because she can just get an abortion. It's easy. And if she chooses not to have their baby killed, well, that’s her problem. It's only right and natural for the father to find someone more sexually accommodating.


Birth control completely levels the playing field, making it possible for women to essentially become men (without having to undergo surgery!)—and that's the one thing every woman aspires to the most. An enlightened feminist woman doesn’t want to get to the end of her life only to be surrounded by children, grandchildren, and an old doting husband she’s been stuck with for 60 years. What she really wants is to have tons of unfettered sex, work tons of hours, and make tons of money. And birth control makes all this possible, along with abortion of course. So long as a woman stays young and attractive, and is willing to be sexually used and objectified, she can have a wonderful commitment-free life!

Does birth control work?


Yes, birth control works like a charm! Just 12% of birth control users get pregnant within a year. Pretty good, right?! It’s not the pill’s fault that single-parent births have skyrocketed since its rollout. If you want to blame someone, blame the anti-abortion extremists who make women feel bad about killing their babies. These women aren't smart enough to realize that birth control and abortion are a package deal. That’s the only way to actually reduce unplanned pregnancies—apart from being one of those religious freaks who saves sex for marriage. Obviously the use of birth control has led to a massive uptick in unmarried sex, so it’s only natural that the net result is way more unplanned pregnancies. It’s basic math. No birth control method is foolproof, except for abstinence, and abstinence should only be used if you're foolish enough to gemarried. For everyone else, you have to be willing to kill your baby when your birth control fails. It's a basic requirement. But so long as you zealously use birth control, it’s statistically unlikely that you’ll have to kill more than three babies over the course of your reproductive life. And killing three babies is barely anything!

Everyone has a part to play


Birth control is an integral means of increasing the demand for abortion, but everyone has to do their part. Don’t forget why you started using birth control in the first place. It’s so you could have sex with lots of people, without getting married, and without having a baby. That doesn’t change when your birth control fails. Yes, the baby is already "here," but so long as it's still living in YOUR womb, it is your legal right to hire an abortionist to kill that baby. It may even be your obligation—and this doesn't change just because you live in one of those Nazi states that has outlawed baby killing. Remember, birth control isn't perfect, but abortion basically is. It kills the babies that birth control lets slip through.

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